Some people walk into a room and immediately start reading it. Who is in charge here? Who is the loudest? Who is paying attention to whom? More importantly, who is paying attention to them?
Most of us want to be liked. That is not news. However, there is a difference between wanting to be included and needing constant reassurance that you are seen, liked, approved of, or admired. That is where validation comes in. For people who crave it—sometimes without even realizing it—group set
Things can become less about connection and more like a quiet competition for significance.
Here are six common things people do in group situations when they’re quietly chasing that feeling of being validated:
1. They insert themselves into stories they weren’t originally part of
Someone is talking about his or her vacation, and suddenly, they are jumping in with “Oh! That reminds me of when I went to Spain…” Someone else shares a personal win, and it is met with a “That’s awesome—I had something similar happen last year when I…”
It is not always malicious or attention hogging. Most of the time, it is subtle. Just a quick sentence or two to remind the group: Hey, I matter too. I have something to say. Don’t forget me.
This does not always mean the person is self-centered. Often, it’s more about a fear of being overlooked. They don’t want to disappear in the conversation. They just want to feel like they’re part of the moment, even if that means steering the focus a bit.
2. They exaggerate a little more
Not full-blown lies, but minor upgrades. The story gets a little funnier, the accomplishment sounds a little bigger, and the inconvenience slightly more dramatic.
It is easy to chalk this up to personality. “Oh, they’re just a storyteller,” or “He likes to entertain.” However, underneath the embellishment is often something else: a need for their story to land. For people to react. To be impressed. To care.
Because the worst thing for someone who craves validation is telling a story and watching it fall flat, that would be hilarious.
3. They constantly check how others are reacting towards them in the group
Watch their eyes, not their mouth. While they’re talking, their gaze might bounce around the group, scanning for smiles, nods, and chuckles—anything that says, You’re doing great. Keep going. We like you.
Even when they’re not speaking, they’re paying close attention to how others are responding to them. Was that joke funny enough? Did they notice my outfit? Did I say something dumb?
This hyper-awareness isn’t just a social skill—it’s a kind of quiet self-surveillance. And it usually comes from someone who’s learned, over time, that their place in a group isn’t guaranteed. They have to earn it moment by moment.
4. They fish for compliments without realizing they are doing it
It does not always sound like “Do you like my haircut?” Sometimes it’s, “Ugh, I look so tired today,” or “This presentation was trash—I just threw it together.” It’s the kind of self-deprecating comment that’s meant to invite contradiction.
It’s rarely intentional. Many people do this without even thinking about it. Nevertheless, at the core is a desire to be reassured: No, you are fine. Better than fine, actually.
If someone responds with indifference—or worse, agrees—the sting runs deep. Because they were not really sharing an opinion. They were sending a signal and hoping for a rescue.
5. They try to be whoever the group needs them to be
Some people walk into a room and shapeshift. Around serious people, they get thoughtful. Around loud people, they are animated. Around jokesters, they suddenly have punchlines.
It’s not always fake—it’s adaptive. But there’s a line between being socially fluid and abandoning your personality in exchange for approval. People who crave validation sometimes blur that line without noticing.
They might agree with things they don’t fully believe, laugh at jokes they don’t find funny, or stay quiet when they actually have something to say. Not because they’re passive. But because their sense of belonging depends on it.
6. They feel deflated after group interactions, even when everything seems fine
Here’s the part people don’t usually talk about: the aftermath. The second-guessing. The mental playback of every comment, laugh, pause, or weird look.
To everyone else, the group hangout felt normal. Nothing weird, no drama, no awkwardness. But for the person who was quietly seeking validation the entire time, it was emotionally exhausting.
Did I talk too much? Did I say something dumb? Did they like me? Should I have stayed quieter? Should I have spoken up more?
The constant effort to be “on,” to be liked, to fit, to impress—it all adds up. And when it’s over, what’s left is a kind of crash. They might feel drained or even slightly embarrassed, unsure why socializing always feels like a performance.
What’s beneath it all?
At its core, the need for validation isn’t about being dramatic or needy. It’s often rooted in early experiences where people learned they had to earn attention, praise, or affection. Maybe their voice wasn’t heard growing up. Maybe love came with conditions. Maybe approval felt rare, so now it’s chased like a high.
In group settings, this plays out quietly. Not with grand gestures, but with tiny moments: a joke here, a humblebrag there, a quick scan of the room, a replay on the ride home.
Recognizing this doesn’t make someone weak. If anything, it offers a chance to pause and ask: What am I trying to prove—and to whom?
Because sometimes the person we most want approval from… is ourselves.